Obviously, talking about when you die is not a fun topic. No one really wants to talk about that. I would even say some people are superstitious that if I talk about it then it's going to happen. But to see what happens when proper planning and organization is not completed or done prior to someone passing is just a complete headache. And I can even say that from speaking from firsthand experience that back in 2011, when my grandfather passed away my mom's father unfortunately a lot of his things weren't in order. Now, thankfully, in this scenario he had enough money, so money was not an issue. In regards to taking care of my grandmother, put in to find out where all his accounts were, find out where investments are, find out what life insurance like all that stuff took her a while, and she's doing all that on top of losing her father, so she's dealing with the grief of that while trying to organize his affairs so that she can help take care of my grandmother who at that point in time, was showing I was already in the early stages of Alzheimer's.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Sugar Daddy podcast. I'm Jessica.
Speaker 1:And I'm Brandon.
Speaker 2:And we're the Norwoods, a married millennial couple here to help you build wealth so you can live the life you've always dreamed of. Brandon is an award-winning licensed financial planner with over 10 years of experience and millions of dollars managed for his clients all over the US. Don't worry, we leave all the intimidating finance mumbo jumbo at the door Stick with us as we demystify the realm of dollars. So it all makes sense. While giving you a glimpse into our relationship with money and each other, we are so glad you're here. Let's get started.
Speaker 1:Hey babe, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2:Today we are talking about what happens when you die.
Speaker 1:Can you be a little bit more specific, can you be a little bit more?
Speaker 2:specific.
Speaker 2:So it's something that we've been talking a lot about with our friends and family, and it's really all about preparation, right?
Speaker 2:Nobody wants to think about not being here, but the reality is we don't live forever and tomorrow is not guaranteed, and tragedies happen to good people all the time, and so one of the things that we did a while back is we created a when I die guide, and the premise behind it is really to help you get organized on all of the things in your life that somebody might need to know should you pass away, especially if you pass away unexpectedly and unfortunately.
Speaker 2:We have had enough people in our life mostly our friends who are our age who have lost their parents, their you know grandparents, and they've all told us that it was a complete disaster to settle their estate, to find the right paperwork, to find out. You know, why did my grandfather have 11 bank accounts? Why did I find thousands of dollars in the back of the pantry in old cereal boxes? I mean, the stories that people have shared of getting their families, estate and affairs in order are just sad and heartbreaking and miserable and honestly cost time and money and mental peace and well-being, and, I think, one of the best things you can do for your loved ones is to have a plan and be prepared, and help them be prepared for what they might need when you're no longer here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I would say yeah.
Speaker 1:I would say that was one of the biggest issues that I've run across. You know, in my line of work is that obviously talking about when you die is not a fun topic. No one really wants to talk about that. I would even say some people are superstitious that if I talk about it then it's going to happen. But to see what happens when proper planning and organization is not completed or done prior to someone passing is just a complete headache.
Speaker 1:And I can even say that from speaking from firsthand experience that back in 2011, when my grandfather passed away my mom's father, unfortunately a lot of his things weren't in order. Now, thankfully, in this scenario, he had enough money, so money was not an issue in regards to taking care of my grandmother. But as far as the legwork that my mom had to put in to find out where all his accounts were, find out where investments are, find out what life insurance like, all that stuff took her a while, and she's doing all that on top of losing her father. So she's dealing with the grief of that while trying to organize his affairs so that she can help take care of my grandmother who at that point in time was showing was already in the early stages of Alzheimer's.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So the best thing you can do is have this conversation and put the legwork in and do the work while you are of a sound mind and you are healthy. Whatever it may be, take care of it now, because it needs to be done, because we all die. If we die, it's more of a win. So, you need to have these things put in order to make it so much easier for the people that you're leaving behind.
Speaker 2:And I think that's one of the big things that resonated with me, talking through some of these scenarios with our friends who've gone through this, is they didn't feel like they actually had time to grieve and to be in the moment and to sit around and chat about happy memories and to do the things that we probably would want to do after we've lost a loved one. Because they're digging through boxes of paperwork, they're trying to find account numbers, they're trying to find statements, they're trying to figure out well, how many credit cards did they have, and who do I need to send these death certificates to? And you are just in a state of do, do, do and find, find, find. And you don't actually have time to process and grieve properly when people's estates are not in order. And so what we did is we put together a 17-page guide that is completely free to you. The only thing you have to do is go to our website, wwwthesugardaddypodcastcom. A pop-up box will come up. It will ask you for your name and your email, so you are subscribing to our webpage and then, once you confirm your email that's an important step Once you confirm your email, you will get an instant download and then you can print this out. You can use it as a checklist, you can read through it and it really is a guide, right?
Speaker 2:Everybody's life looks different. What we all have looks different. Maybe you live in a townhouse and pest control, for example, is taken care of for you. Well, we live in a single family home and we are responsible for pest control, for example, is taken care of for you. Well, we live in a single family home and we are responsible for pest control. Honey, who handles our pest control?
Speaker 1:You asked me this on a previous podcast episode and I still don't know the name, but I would know how to find out.
Speaker 2:How would you find out?
Speaker 1:I would look through our records, as regards to our bank accounts, of where the money's going.
Speaker 2:And how long would that take you Not?
Speaker 1:long at all. Okay, I also am indifferent because I do this for a living, so I know what to look for.
Speaker 2:What I'm saying is everything is going to look different, right, because all of our estates, if you will look different and if you're thinking, well, I don't have an estate, I'm not a Biltmore, I'm not a Rockefeller, that's okay. We aren't either, and we do still have an estate, right, we still have a home, we have children, we have property.
Speaker 1:We have cars, we have we might be a Rockefeller, and we just don't know, maybe he had-. That has not come up in my DNA results yet Maybe he had an affair with one of his slaves.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, all right, I'm not going there with you today, okay.
Speaker 1:Back to the subject at hand.
Speaker 2:I'm so mad at you right now. So think about all the things that you take care of in your home right now that would need to be settled right. Where are your student loans? Where is your bank account? Where is your Roth IRA? Where is your 401k? Who are the beneficiaries on your accounts? Right, I mean all of these things. If you really start to list them out which we have done for you so you don't actually need to go and do it, but if you start to list them out, it's quite a long list. Also, you need to think about, for example, if I died tomorrow and Brandon was my survivor, as well as our children little things, right, like who are our children's friends and their playmates, and does Brandon have all of their parents' contact information? Probably not. Where does Remy, our dog, go to the vet? Do you know who his vet is?
Speaker 1:Yes, because I've taken him there before.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, good, but think about all the things that happen day to day that you take care of that maybe your spouse is not aware of, and vice versa. What is something that Brandon takes care of that I might not be aware of? Or would take me a significant amount of time to look up to research, to dig through accounts, et cetera. Because, again, if you don't know, you don't know. Right, like, I can't type in pest control into my bank account and it come up because that's not what it has in the title. So then you're searching, searching, searching.
Speaker 2:But if you took the time to write all of this out, put it in a Google Doc, put it in a document that you can easily update and then share it with the people who will need it if and when the time comes. They will essentially have a folder of information that is relevant to help them settle your estate. And I think that is one of the most loving things that you can do for your family and friends and loved ones who are going to be responsible for taking care of what happens after you're gone is to tee things up for them so that they have time to grieve you, to think about the happy memories of your time together instead of searching for documents and papers and account numbers, et cetera, because it's preventable and that is not love, that is not loving.
Speaker 1:And I would also say too, in this day and age of technology, it makes things a little bit easier for people. So you know, like I said before, speaking from my own firsthand experience, all my grandfather's documents were all paper and if you know, like literally we were In boxes. Like literally, we were pulling out old, like stock certificates.
Speaker 2:I remember those.
Speaker 1:Physical paper stock certificates, that of stock that he had purchased and it was just it was a lot, that of stock that he had purchased and it was just it was a lot. But nowadays there's so many, there's so much technology that you can utilize positive way to organize things and share it. Yes, so one of the things that I do for my clients that makes, I think, makes their life a lot easier is that I create a Google doc that I share with them that has all the information that we work on together so you know, for example, if they have a life insurance policy. You know what is that life insurance, where's that life insurance policy at, you know what company is it with, what is the policy number, what is the amount. And I even put on there, even though it might change, I put in there. You know the website and also the phone number for the person.
Speaker 1:All right, so you know you'll have their life insurance, you'll have, you know where their investment accounts at and stuff of that nature, and the idea is that they have this running Google doctor. We're continuously updating as things change, but it's there for both of them to use for each other in the case of the event of one of them passing, but then also I said to them hey, you know, in the event of both of you passing because I would say most, a lot of the people that I work with do have children. So in the event of you passing, you have small children who are going to take care of your kids, because then they need access to the information, because they are going to be the ones that are selling your estate Right? So it's really important to you know, have that.
Speaker 2:And I think it's a really easy way to do it.
Speaker 2:So what I want to preface and I think I put this in the guide as well so I do hope that you take the time to download it and use it as a resource and if there's anything that you feel we left out or missed, you know this is a document that we can easily update, so please reach out, let us know.
Speaker 2:I wanted to state that this is not something that you should spend a weekend doing. This is a lot of information. You know, maybe once a week you make a photocopy of an account or your social security cards or your passports or whatever that might be, and you slowly build, because if you become overwhelmed during this process, you're just going to stop and that's a bad thing. But if you do a little bit, you know, each week, each weekend, once a month, and maybe the goal is, hey, by the end of the year I'm going to have a full document of, or a full binder you know I'm thinking about a physical binder or a full Google Doc, of all of these things then it becomes manageable and it doesn't become overwhelming and hopefully you won't stop in the middle of the process. But oh, were you going to say something?
Speaker 1:Oh, I was going to say that this is a part of the whole state planning process and financial planning process, because you're going to see, if you, you know, go ahead and you know, download the document and you start looking through it, you may be like, hey, I don't have this, I don't have that, and there's going to be things that you actually need to have first. So, for example, if you don't have a will, you're going to have to, you know, meet with a estate planning attorney to have a wills and trust attorney to have one, you know, put together for you.
Speaker 1:So, they're going to be like. As you said before, this is not going to be something that you can finish in an hour or two hours. It's going to take some time, especially if you have more steps to take, because the certain things that we've listed in there you don't have you know. For example, one of the things in there you know is like going through all the accounts that you can name beneficiaries on and making sure the beneficiaries are correct. You know certain things like that, so it is going to take a while, but once you have it completed, you, your life will be so much easier. But then you also do need to keep in mind that you are going to need to periodically update it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like once a year, yeah, once a year, you know, update things, or maybe every half, you know, um, because you want to make sure that things are correct. You know, for example, our we have had, uh, we moved into this house a little over a year ago and we are on our third mortgage, uh, lender, you know, because your mortgage gets sold several times throughout the life and so, so that's something that you have to update, right, um? So let's get into some of the documents that you will likely want to have as part of your record keeping and this guide, if you will, that you're going to create. So the first thing is your vital records. So vital records are your birth certificates, marriage certificates, divorce certificates, death certificates, any pre-deceased parents, spouse or child certificates, certificates, death certificates, any pre-deceased parents, spouse or child certificates.
Speaker 2:Also, any military documents, driver's license copies, social security cards, passport copies, right, those are all the things that identify who you are, your family members, who's already deceased, et cetera. So, vital records section start with that. That's pretty easy, right? Make a copy of your driver's license, your partner's driver's license, your birth certificates, death certificates, marriage licenses. All of that probably lives in a safe or somewhere kind of together in your home anyways, take a day photocopy it all, put it into an electronic file or even to a binder with some plastic sleeves, and section one done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and those things are important too because, in the event of someone passing, a portion of those documents are going to be, you're going to have to submit them in order to get access to these different accounts that the person may have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely Real estate documents and deeds. So I mean literally exactly what it says Deeds, mortgages, tax information, really important to make sure that that information is also logged.
Speaker 1:And then Because here's a newsflash. Newsflash If you die during the year, you still may have to pay taxes.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, yes, I've seen so many videos where it's like my mom died and I didn't know I had to file her taxes that is a.
Speaker 1:Thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is a thing. Yeah, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:It's one of the biggest things that is not on most people's radars. No. And understandably so, because you're dealing, you're grieving, so you're not really thinking about all that.
Speaker 2:Filing my dead person's taxes.
Speaker 1:And here's also why who?
Speaker 2:tells you that you don't get taught that in school. No that. Who tells you that you don't get taught that in school? That's literally not taught anywhere. You learn it on TikTok.
Speaker 1:And also this is where it also can be helpful working with a financial advisor. It's because you have so much going on in the event of someone passing that if you're working with a good financial advisor leading up to any of that occurring, they're helping you establish all these things and have all these things in order and then when that event happens, you have someone that you can offload that workload to. Because I just can't imagine especially when it's a premature death, where someone's not dying of old age, they're not 90, 100 years old. It's like someone passes away in an accident suddenly the amount of emotions that you're going to be dealing with. I don't see how you can think straight to organize the finances. Anyways, I'm a financial advisor and I don't think if Jess passed away I'd have to offload that to a financial advisor friend of mine because I wouldn't be able to concentrate straight and you don't want to make mistakes that could be very costly in time and or actual money because your mind is not in the right place.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The next thing you'll want a record of are your financial accounts, checking, savings, investments, retirement accounts. You'll want to actually note the account number, the institution, any kind of information you know, maybe somebody's phone number that you typically deal with within that institution, and then any statements also would be good to have, because statements obviously have a lot of information the account information.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't. So the thing is for me I don't think you necessarily need the statements personally.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Reason being is you can put a statement in there and it's going to be old. So I don't want people to get confused on maybe the monetary amount in there based off old statements. But the biggest thing that a statement would have is the policy number and maybe information to contact them, which you could also just transfer over. Like I said when I create the Google Doc, I don't necessarily have a statement in there. I do have the financial institution's name, contact information and the account number or a policy number, whatever it may be, because those are going to stay the same as long as it's the same account. That account number is not going to change.
Speaker 2:Okay. So if you do put statements in, maybe put a little note. Hey, this might have changed over time so that people are not expecting one amount over a different amount. I think that's a good call out.
Speaker 1:Sorry. One more thing. The reason I say that is from experience is that what ends up happening when people start putting statements in is that they don't remove old ones, correct. So what ends up happening is that maybe you had one account, but then you rolled that account over someplace else. You didn't get rid of this old statement. So it's an old statement not telling me that it was rolled over, but then I also have the statement for a new account, and so I'm thinking there's two accounts.
Speaker 2:Now there's confusion.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:All right, so maybe just the institution account number policy number.
Speaker 1:Went through it firsthand with my grandfathers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, and then any recent tax documents. I think that's good to add as well. You want to add insurance policies that you have and, again, account numbers, policy numbers, institution name. If there's a specific person that you typically deal with, you can add that person's information and contact information as well. Again, the idea behind all of this is to tee it up right.
Speaker 2:You're giving a gift with a bow on top of hey, here are all the things in my life that you should be aware of, and here's how to get more information, should you need it, any kind of information for lawyers, accountants, advisors so the people that you rely on to help keep your estate running, so to speak. You'll want to make sure that people are aware that there's a whole team behind you. Maybe you have a CPA, maybe you have an attorney who's done your will and your trust and your health directives and things like that. Make sure that those people are noted so that, again, the people who are settling your estate know that they can turn to those people right off the bat and maybe, like Brandon said earlier, offload some of what is needed to be done to get your estate in order.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the Google Docs that I create. I always encourage the people and give them the option to be able to share it, as I said before, with other people who would be handling their estate, should they pass away. And in there I have my contact information. But then also one step that I take further on my end as an advisor is that, since I know other advisors, what if something happens to me? So I actually have, hey, if something were to happen to me as your advisor. Here are a couple other advisors that I know that I trust and I know do good work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just for anybody listening, that is a client of Brandon's. Those are also the advisors that I would go to in case something happened to Brandon. So these are friends of ours that we trust and we know are reliable and educated in their field.
Speaker 1:And also, too, like you know, I, I it's going to be happening more as I get older, as I get older, and my clients, you know, their kids get older, and stuff like that. But if you already have a financial advisor, you know, say your kids are old enough, introduce, make sure you're you introduced, advisor to your kids. Or, for example, if your brother-in-law is the one that's gone, your brother's the one that's going to take your kids in the event something happening to you, him, and it's your sister-in-law, then introduce your advisor to them, because nothing's worse than like being introduced to the family member on the one, maybe one of the worst days of their lives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's, if that's. If you can avoid that, let's do that Absolutely. You'll want to put any kind of information in about advanced directives, power of attorneys. So these are the pieces of paper that share. What do you want done in the event that you can't make a decision for yourself, medically or otherwise? These are things that you again might have to establish. If you don't currently have them, definitely advise for you to have them. These are conversations you should be having with your partner, your spouse, your family. If you were in a terrible accident and you are in a medical coma, how long should people keep you on a tube, right? How long do you want to be fed through a feeding tube, if at all? So these are, again, uncomfortable but very necessary conversations that you should be having with your partner, with your spouse, with your family. And then you need to get them in writing, because just talking about it standing around the kitchen table is not actually putting a plan in place.
Speaker 2:And too often you hear if you've watched any kind of medical show, right, if you've watched any episode of Grey's Anatomy, you know what happens when you don't have a health directive in place. You know what happens when there isn't paperwork in place that says I designate this person to make a decision, should I not be able to make a decision for myself? And in those events, you need to pick the person who you think could be of sound mind in a terrible situation, right? Who's going to work under stress? Who's going to do, who's going to help carry out your wishes the best? Maybe that's not your parent, maybe that's you know, not a family member, maybe it is a friend. So you have to think about those things, because these are the people that you're going to be relying on in the event that you cannot make a decision for yourself. And you want to make sure that you're picking somebody who is going to stick with your wishes that are outlined on paper, somebody who is going to stick with your wishes that are outlined on paper.
Speaker 1:I can't agree with that more because in scenarios where you have certain relationships let's say, for example, if you are a same-sex couple who is legally not married, but you would like your significant other to be the person who makes this decision you need to have that written down because I don't know.
Speaker 1:You know everybody's family dynamics are different. You know, maybe the family is not happy with the person you know that that you're with, or they're not happy for the pure fact of unfortunately, you know, people don't always accept everyone's lifestyle. And so you need to have these things in writing because, for example, like I'm just going to use the same sex reference again, but let's just say hypothetically that you have been with your partner for 10 years, you just haven't gotten legally married, and now an accident happens and you're in the hospital. Legally, you don't have any leg to stand on to access seeing that person. The family can literally keep you from seeing them because you are technically not family, because you're not related to them and you're not married. So having these things put in place can be extremely important, you know, depending on what your family dynamics are.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and if it's not in black and white, then it doesn't exist and it doesn't matter, and that's the reality when it comes to the legal system. So make sure that you get these things outlined. You'll also want to include information about any debts that you might have, so your credit cards, your personal loans, your car loans make sure that you outline that information as well, because somebody's going to need to pay, right? And you want to make sure that people are aware of the accounts that you have and that they can again settle those. And then I think one of the longest sections is the home details, right? Or are the home details and the family and health information type details? And again, this is going to look different for for every household, right? Whether your household has children, no children, it's just going to vary.
Speaker 2:But some of the things you know that you might want to think about in this section are you know, where are your spare keys, right?
Speaker 2:If, let's say, something terrible happens and you're on like if you and I were on vacation and something terrible happened, we would have, you know, our set of car keys, well, where are the spare keys? I mean, that's, it's something so simple, but hey, it's in the store, in the kitchen, keys to general home bills, all of your utilities, think water, gas, electric, pest control, hoa, trash and sewage, your streaming services, your memberships. If I die, I need somebody to cancel our Instacart membership, right? I mean like it sounds so silly and it sounds like, no, that's not important, but it is right. These are things that I have opened in my account in my name, right? These are things that I have opened in my account in my name and they would need to be settled. So, outlining and detailing all of those, do you have subscriptions to HelloFresh and DoorDash and Uber Eats? And I mean again, maybe they're not at the top of the priority list of things that need to be settled, but eventually you would want to make sure that that stuff is taken care of.
Speaker 1:I would also end there with the home detail thing that and this is something that I don't believe is actually in the document, because we started thinking about it and talking about it later on, after we'd already created it but, for example, your Google photos or your you know iCloud stuff, because we have so many like nowadays, we people take photos on their phones and you would want those memories. How are you going to access them? You know?
Speaker 2:yeah, so we talked about the people who, um, you know, are our designated guardians for our children, making sure that they have access to our google folder, our google files and folders and pictures, so that they can then share it with you know, the children, our housekeeper information, handyman person information, you know subscriptions, your Hulu and Netflixes and those passwords, and I mean again, lower on the list of priorities than you know vital records, but still important, because these are still things that will either need to be canceled, shut off, changed into somebody else's name, especially if there's a cost associated. Family and health information. This actually came up yesterday when you said I went to the rheumatologist and you were like, whoa, are you going to the orthopedist? And I was like no, but you have no idea who my orthopedist is, who my rheumatologist is, who my primary care doctor is. Yes, you could figure it out. She has a lot of issues. I do have a lot of doctors, but tee it up, write it down. Write down the name of the practice, the doctor and everything else can be Googled from there.
Speaker 2:But this way your, your family or again, whoever is going to be settling your estate, knows.
Speaker 2:You know one of the things, and this is so silly.
Speaker 2:But when Nellie, when we said goodbye to our dog Nellie, I let the old vet know and they didn't put it in their record, I guess, and I kept getting, like every other month, it was like Nellie's due for this shot, nellie's due for her senior exam and it's like, okay, those are the things that you don't want popping up right when that person is gone. You don't want to be getting hey, jessica has a rheumatology appointment, right? No, you have to let people know what has happened and that this person is deceased or that X, y and Z happened, right, like you don't want to be getting those crazy reminders throughout your grieving process. So, again, putting this in place and being able to notify people or you know, getting I don't know, some of you might be listening and you have a house manager or an assistant. Maybe this is something that they can have access to so that they can let the doctor's office know hey, this person is now deceased. Please make sure you do not call with appointment reminders.
Speaker 1:A house manager, that'd be nice.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it's like oh, what dreams are made of? Yes, please, so friends and family and health information. Again, I don't know that you have all of the contact numbers for Aston and Roman's friends where we schedule playdates.
Speaker 1:I sure don't, Because I definitely personally I don't take women's phone numbers. I just let you do that. If I'm getting numbers, it's probably going to be the dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's one of those things, right, where you think about well, how can we help keep life as normal as possible? Right, maybe not the day after, the week after, the month after, but our kids are still going to want playdates whether we're here or not. How can we make sure that they're friends? You know that people know who to contact to have a playdate or to schedule some time at the park together. I think it's something that's so simple but so impactful in the event that something like this happens. You know who are where. Do our children go to school? Yes, we know that, but do our guardians know that? Do they know who Aston's kindergarten teacher is and how to get in contact there? All of these things, again. Yes, you could find out. They could make phone calls, they could talk to the grandparents. All of these things, again. Yes, you could find out. They could make phone calls, they could talk to the grandparents. All of that takes time, it takes energy and it could also just be just as easily typed up. So type it up.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Type it up Because one of the things within financial services that we always try to work towards in these scenarios of someone passing away, especially when it's prematurely, is what can we put in place to keep life as close to normal as possible in the event that these things happen?
Speaker 2:Correct. Yeah, because you want to keep some normalcy, some pattern, some consistency, I think, especially if there's children involved. Yeah, you know, eliminating as much change as possible, I think, is going to be the best thing. Yeah, hopefully we never have to find out, but my guess is that keeping as many things as possible standard right.
Speaker 1:And also the thing here, too, is a matter of time. So often when you're having to settle someone's estate, sometimes there's often there's a monetary aspect to it and there's money that maybe needs to be paid here or there, and when you have this information easily accessible, you can access the accounts quicker so that you can make those payments. Otherwise, they're just going to keep racking up. So there is a time aspect in regards to having to pay some of these things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely the last thing in the guide and again people don't want to talk about it, but I think it's super important are your funeral wishes. What does that look like? Do you want to be cremated? Is there a burial plot next to family members? Do you have a preferred funeral home? Do you have a preferred funeral home? Do you have a family funeral home? I mean things like that. Again, you know we're not technically sitting around talking about this stuff all the time, but maybe not in your family.
Speaker 1:I remember my grandparents distinctly saying to us hey, we got our burial plots for when we die and like being happy about, like they're paid to go.
Speaker 2:They're paid for their plan. He let you know. I mean, you know different generations, but I'm sure there are people out there where it's like, oh no, every, every family member has a slot, you know. And well, if we don't know that, then how can we make sure that you end up where you're supposed to, right?
Speaker 1:Uh, you know we've talked about being cremated, not having a traditional type funeral but even I don't want you to keep my ashes either, and we're not keeping ashes because I know you think that's creepy.
Speaker 2:But also, what does your funeral look like? Is it going to be a traditional service in a church, in your childhood church, in the church that you got married? Are you not a church person and you want to have a memorial by the ocean, I mean, whatever it is. There are no rules. It's what you want and you want to make sure that people know and understand your wishes. You know, is there a particular passage that you want read, maybe from the Bible, or a song or a poem that is really important to you, that needs to be read or performed by a family member?
Speaker 2:You know, I think one of the big ones that's come up and I did reference and talk to friends who've gone through this pictures. What picture of yourself do you want to be remembered by? Right, like I've had a friend who was like oh my gosh, finding a picture of my father where he's not in a baseball cap, where he's not wearing sunglasses, where he's not holding a Coors, where he's not surrounded by a bunch of other people. Right, it was like a multi-week process. I mean, that's terrible. Or you don't want to be digging through maybe your parents or your spouse's Facebook page to get a photo. I mean, it's one of those things where you don't think about it until you have to think about it. I mean it's one of those things where, like, you don't think about it until you have to think about it, but we put it in the guide, so now it's. It should be on your radar, you know?
Speaker 2:What kind of music do you want played? Do you want a string orchestra? Do you want a DJ? What do you want the vibe to be? I mean, I'm just saying, you know, some people are very like we're going to celebrate life. We don't. I don't want you to wear black, we're going to be positive. Only, you know, wear white, wear bright colors, and other people are like no, I want this to be a very somber experience, I mean again.
Speaker 2:Panther, they wore white. There are no rules, there is no right or wrong, but make sure that you know what your wishes are and outline them and then any notable accomplishments. I know that again we've had, unfortunately, friends who've had to write their parents' obituaries right and they were worried that they left out key accomplishments of their family member. Is there a pre-obituary that you could write for yourself? I know it gets a little creepy and not everybody's as comfortable with these topics as others, but again, if there is, I mean heck, put your resume in. I don't know If you want key accomplishments and you don't want people to miss out on anything, make sure your resume is up to date and link to a copy.
Speaker 1:But, once again, working with a professional can help you get through this list. It's like you said before some people are not comfortable doing it and, from my personal experience, when people are not comfortable doing something, they don't do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, also, who do you want at your funeral, whatever the funeral might look like? I think this is really important. Who do you want there? Again, am I going to have to reach out to your whole Facebook friends list and assume that everybody on that list is somebody that you would want there?
Speaker 1:That's a good one for your parents. That's a hard one. It's funny. I'm just now going through my mind again thinking about this, but you probably don't know a lot of your parents' friends. No.
Speaker 2:Well, and I know I've heard your mom say that she's updated a list of who she would want invited. So your mom is good about that. But, yeah, I mean I, you know, aside from family and like the obvious friends, I don't know who else should be on that list. You know, for us I think a good list would be. You know all the people we send Christmas cards to every year. You know I have addresses, names and addresses ready to go, because we always print our labels. That's probably a good list, right to start at least, of people that we would want invited to.
Speaker 2:You know my funeral, your funeral, etc. But again, don't leave it up to chance. Don't make people go through your Facebook to figure out is this some old random friend from high school or is this a significant person in your life? I mean, I don't know about your parents, but I know I can reference somebody that's been a friend of mine for two decades and my dad will still be like wait, who's that? And I'm like dad, this person has been around for literal decades. Like how do you still not know? But do I want my dad picking out my list of who should be at my funeral? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:You speaking of, like you know, facebook, social media platforms. There's now features on them that allow you know whoever you decide would be that person to access your account in the event of you passing, whether, that's, you know, archiving it, you know, shutting it down, whatever it may be. There are features that allow you to set that up now.
Speaker 2:Yes, because, again, do you want a Facebook profile to live on after you are gone? I don't think that I would want that, so make sure that you designate those things. I think one of the other things and we mentioned this to the guardians of our children, and again this is maybe too detailed, but I'd rather be more prepared than underprepared is what to keep in the home. Right, this is one of those scenarios of if Brandon and I we like to take several vacations together a year, what happens if we don't come home? Well, we've got everything in place to make sure that our children are taken care of, but also with that comes hey, can you move into our house so that our kids can keep going to the same school and be close to their grandparents? And even if it's just for a temporary amount of time, again, can you keep things as regular and as normal as possible for them? So, with that comes well, if you're moving into our home, can you make it your own home? Like what can you change? What do you keep? And one of the things that I know this is how I would feel if I was somebody else's guardian is do I keep every piece of clothing and every piece of jewelry in their closet. Well, maybe one day their kids would want to go through it. Or maybe, you know, we make a quilt out of dad's t-shirts, or I mean there's so many things that can be really stressful and really daunting if you're trying to decide, hey, what in this house can I keep and what can I donate, and how do I make it feel like my own by also, but also respecting, you know, the deceased and then their children. I mean, it's so much to think about. And so what I said is I want to make sure that Aston gets my wedding dress, she gets my wedding rings. We are keeping Brandon's watches and his wedding ring. Everything else can be donated, right, like and, better yet, donate it to this organization, because it's a women-owned organization where they can use the clothes for interviews or whatever. It is right. You don't have to get that specific, but I think allowing people and giving them permission to like hey, you don't like the sofa, that's totally fine. Get rid of it, donate it, sell it, put it on Facebook Marketplace, I don't care Taking the guesswork out of what to do next.
Speaker 2:Where do I go from here? What would they want me to keep? What do they want to pass down to their children. I think that is really really helpful, and I know when we said that we had breakfast or lunch and when we said that I'm not going to give away identities, but one of them was like, oh my gosh, that's so helpful. Thank you, because that was already on my mind. What is important? You, because that was already on my mind, right, like what is important and how.
Speaker 2:Also, we want to respect the people we've put in place to take care of our children. How do we make their lives easier? How do we make them feel as comfortable as possible? Because they would have lost friends now they're becoming guardians to children. I mean, their lives would be turned upside down as well. So what can you take off of their plate? What can you do to help lighten that mental load of? Well, what do I do with their closet full of stuff? Now, I got to put my clothes in this closet, but now there's no room. What do I do? Hey, guess what? You get rid of everything except these five things, right?
Speaker 1:I mean there's obvious things like photo albums like, yeah, you're going to keep those, but no, you don't have to keep the bedspread, you know. No, you don't have to keep the dishes, you don't have to keep these random items that nobody's going to use, or need.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get rid of it, donate it, do whatever you feel like you need to do. So I think, just again, it really comes down to planning, to communication, to making sure that you have a plan in place and that you're giving your loved ones the time and space they need to grieve you being gone by just taking a little bit of time here and there and outlining some of these key things.
Speaker 1:The thing is here is that once you do this, it's going to be used eventually. This is not something that you're doing that maybe you'll use, maybe you won't Hopefully it'll be a hundred years from now. Maybe there's certain items on there that might no longer be relevant at some point in time, but at the end of the day, the overarching document itself is going to be used and it's going to be useful to the person who has to use it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and even if, to your point, maybe you life be lifin'. We talk about that all the time, right? So maybe you don't look at this document for a year or two or five years or seven years, right? Things are going to change. Some things are going to be on there that are no longer relevant. That's fine, Even if somebody can take five, 10, 15 things off of this list to make their life easier to give them time back to help them find the information they need. That's more beneficial than them starting from literal zero.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing too, just to kind of add in there, in case some people out there were thinking about it since most of our life we access our accounts online. You don't have to have passwords there. That's not necessarily what we're talking about. You don't have to.
Speaker 1:You can if you choose to, but you don't have to because in the event of someone passing, let's just, you know, use an investment account. If I know where the investment account is at, I know the account number and then I have the information regarding, like you know, your social security number, stuff of that nature, I can get access to the account once you passed away, you know. But the idea is that you've made it significantly easier, because I cannot tell you how many hours my mom spent and I spent looking through, going through all my grandfather's financial stuff. Right, that was a headache.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think, think too, the older the person is, that has passed right. If we're thinking about like our parents and then our grandparents, they had accounts everywhere right? Those are the people who are like you can't trust the banks, you can't this, you can't that my grandfather had like 10 bank accounts right checking accounts.
Speaker 2:Just checking in savings accounts 10 and like and like finding those, accessing those, sending in the death certificate. I mean, that's another call out that somebody mentioned is when they ask you how many copies of a death certificate you need, get as many as you possibly can. I think the minimum is like 15 or 20. You will. This person said you will be handing them out like candy, right, because every time you have to prove that this person is now deceased, you are going to be sending them a death certificate, an original death certificate or, excuse me, a copy of the original. So get as many as you possibly can, because you're going to be handing them out left and right and you don't want to have to go back to then request more. So, again, super uncomfortable topic of conversation, but so, so important, and all you're trying to do is allow the people that you love space to grieve and not have them spending hours, days, weeks, months trying to figure out where you had accounts, what was in them, you know who's the vet, who are your kids' friends, what kind of funeral wishes did you have? What happens if you end up in an accident on a breathing tube? How long do you want to remain like that? I mean uncomfortable but very, very necessary conversations.
Speaker 2:Outline what you can. Give yourself some time to get this done. Dedicate one weekend every week, or a day once a month, whatever that looks like for your time and your schedule. A little bit goes a long way. Make sure that you download the guide Again. Go to our website, put your name and email into our subscribe box. Confirm your email. You will get an email asking you to confirm the email. Confirm it and then you will get the instant download of this free 17-page guide, which you can use as a checklist to go through things. And again, we are always open to feedback. So if there's anything glaring that is missing, let us know and we can add it in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially if you're someone who's gone through this.
Speaker 2:Right, and we did consult again, unfortunately, with people who have gone through this past and recently, to make sure that we're not missing anything big. But if you do see something, or something has come up personally for you that you want to make other people aware of, let us know and we will absolutely get it into the guide.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we are all about sharing information.
Speaker 2:Sharing is caring. We hope that this has been helpful. We hope that this has been thought provoking and, more importantly, we hope that you take action and start working on your personal guide that we hope nobody will have to use anytime soon. Thanks for tuning in. Make sure you share this episode with a friend or family member, because we all need to be doing this. So take good care, and thanks so much for listening. Don't forget Benjamin Franklin said an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid Until next time. College pays the best interest you just got paid, until next time. Thanks for listening to today's episode. We are so glad to have you as part of our Sugar Daddy community. If you learned something today, please remember to subscribe, rate, review and share this episode with your friends, family and extended network. Don't forget to connect with us on social media. At the sugar daddy podcast, you can also email us your questions you want us to answer for our past the sugar segments at the sugar daddy podcast at gmailcom, or leave usa voicemail through our Instagram.
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