The Sugar Daddy Podcast
Ready to normalize talking about money? Then welcome to The Sugar Daddy Podcast. Every episode will get you one step closer to your financial goals. Whether that is learning how to invest, budget, save, retire early or simply make better money choices, Jess & Brandon have got you covered in a way that's easy to understand, and easy to implement. Tune in as they demystify the realm of dollars, so it all makes cents, while giving you a glimpse into their relationship with money and each other.
Brandon is an award winning licensed financial planner, and owner of Oak City Financial, with over a decade of experience and millions of dollars managed for his clients all over the United States.
New episodes published the first three Wednesdays of every month.
The Sugar Daddy Podcast
71: How to Manage Money as a Couple Using the D.R.E.A.M Framework
In this episode, Jess and Brandon unveil their D.R.E.A.M framework for couples, designed to facilitate meaningful discussions about money by focusing on emotional connections rather than just numbers. They explore the importance of diving into personal money histories, reflecting on their impact, engaging in shared goals, taking action, and ongoing management to foster strong financial partnerships.
If you’re ready to have better conversations about money with your partner in 2025, then this episode is for you.
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Notes from the show:
Learn more about D.R.E.A.M here
In today's episode, we are introducing our new framework for couples to have better conversations around money. We are calling it DREAM because we want you to DREAM BIG together. Stay tuned as we break down this acronym D-R-E-A-M, so that you and your partner can have the best conversations around money possible.
Speaker 2:Hey, babe what are we talking about today?
Speaker 1:Today we are talking about the framework that we created for couples to have better conversations around money, and I'm so excited because I realized that not everybody talks about money the way we do, and it's still something that people are really uncomfortable with, intimidated by.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of shame, a lot of guilt.
Speaker 1:We talk about that quite a bit on the podcast, and I think one of our superpowers is that we talk about money all the time, and that's not to say that all of our conversations are rainbows and butterflies, but it is something that we are very comfortable talking about.
Speaker 1:And the one thing that I think we've done really well over the years is we've dreamed big together, and that is what keeps us focused on our goals, focused on our mission, focused on what's important to us, and helps us realign during those times when you know maybe we want to spend on some things that we shouldn't be spending on, or you know we need to kind of recenter refocus. And so we came up with a framework for other people to have better conversations around money that aren't focused really at all on the numbers, because we know that the numbers, those are black and white. It is what it is. It's cash flow, it's money in, money out, but where we think people really get stuck is that emotional part of money. And money is emotional. We all have an attachment to it, whether it's good, bad, healthy, unhealthy, and it comes from somewhere. So today we're going to be digging in and diving into our new framework.
Speaker 2:And, as you know, most of us know that the basis for a great relationship whether you know, any type of relationship that you have in your life is based upon having good communication and, unfortunately, a lot of people don't have good communication, and it's something that you really need to work on in all aspects of your life if you want to have better relationships. So we are really excited about putting together this framework so that you and your partner can work on your communication so that you can ultimately have a better relationship and also live the life that you want to live.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And just for anybody who might be new, you know, if you've been here a while, you know this. But if you're a new listener, welcome. Thanks for being here.
Speaker 1:But Brandon and I are both products of divorce. This framework is not coming out of a place of, oh, we're doing everything perfect, our marriage is perfect, our parents' marriages were perfect. You know we're drowning in money. I mean, that is not the case. Right when we first got together, I had six figures in student loan debt. My parents had just gone through a I don't know if I want to call it a messy divorce. I mean, I think all divorces have some level of mess to them.
Speaker 1:Brandon's mom and dad got divorced when he was younger, so that's a totally different scenario when you are going through divorce as a child versus as an adult, and so we lived and learned in our own ways. And then, when we merged our lives, you know it's something that we really wanted to avoid. We wanted to avoid our parents marriages, and that is why we started talking about money very, very early on, and so we want to help people have those same conversations in a way that's not intimidating, it's not scary, and you're really learning and growing together, not only from each other, but also as individuals, and I think what's really important here is that you should be having these conversations as early into your relationship as possible. So, even if you're in a new relationship, let's say you're a few months in and you know hey, this is going somewhere, this is meaningful, this is a great time to start initiating this dream framework D-R-E-A-M.
Speaker 1:However, if you're a decade plus in, like we are, this is something that you can still implement. Plus in like we are, this is something that you can still implement. And even you know being where we are, with Brandon being a financial advisor, us having a financial literacy podcast, we still have to continuously have these conversations because our lives are constantly changing and evolving and this is not a one and done. So, whether you're brand new in your relationship or you're well established, we believe that this is a framework that you can use to help ground you in your values, your goals and your vision for a beautiful life together. Did I miss anything?
Speaker 2:Nope, I think you covered it all.
Speaker 1:Okay. So unfortunately, we know that money is still cited as one of the main reasons for divorce, infidelity being number one and and money being, you know, in the top three, and so we know that people are not having money conversations early enough often enough, and that leads to problems, right? Had I not told you that I had $100,000 in student loan debt coming into our relationship and then we got married and then I was like, oh yeah, by the way, I mean hello, that's a huge problem. We shouldn't be doing that, yeah.
Speaker 2:I a hundred percent agree that we shouldn't be doing that and unfortunately that is kind of the reality that too many people actually operate and they start to have these conversations too late into their relationships.
Speaker 1:Right, and so, instead of waiting until it's too late, springing this kind of information on your partner, let's? We are here to encourage you to have those conversations early and often, so that you don't end up being a statistic. Right? These conversations, you can have them. This is an avoidable conversation or problem, right? We can help avoid divorce by being honest, by having open communication, and so one of the things that we wanted to ground you in in this framework is dreaming big, and so we ended up calling the framework dream D, r, e, a, m, and each letter, of course, means something.
Speaker 1:We're going to dive into these components. This is something you're going to be hearing us talk about throughout this year. So, welcome to 2025. We are dreaming big. We are going to scratch the surface of the framework. Give you some insights into how you can start dreaming early in 2025 with your partner to have these better money conversations. Did I miss anything? Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:So the first part of dream is well, first let me say you make the rules. This is a framework, right? This is to help guide you in the conversations. You and your partner still get to decide what the rules are, what makes sense for you and your relationship and guess what? You can change the rules today, tomorrow, a year from now. Right, you are in charge. We are just simply trying to give you guidance so that you can have better conversations without the intimidation and the shame and the guilt.
Speaker 1:The D, I think, is really, really important in dream. So D stands for dive, and we know that money is emotional and that emotion stems from somewhere, and different studies have shown that you basically have formed your opinion about money by the age of seven, and so really, whatever you feel about money now, whether you have an abundant mindset or a mindset of scarcity, that probably came from your childhood or your childhood through your adolescence. And so in D, we want you to dive deep into your past and really understand why do you feel about money today based on what happened in your past?
Speaker 2:I would say this is one of the biggest things that people kind of gloss over when it comes to the overall financial planning process, because the math part of financial planning is the easiest. It really is. Math, as I always say, is the same in every language Two plus two equals four all the time. All right, Now, everyone has an emotional attachment to their money and you want to find out where that emotion comes from, Whether that's diving into. Did you have money conversations in your family growing up? Did you not have money conversations? How you interacted with money at a very young age has, in one way or another, had an effect on how you interact with money as an adult.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. So this is the time where we want you to really dive in and understand. Where did my mindset about money come from? So this is a good time to understand. How is money handled during the holidays, during gift giving, celebrating, dining out, during travel? Did you travel? Did your parents talk about not having money to travel? If you asked for something in a store, was the response we can't afford that. We're not buying that right now. Don't ask me for that. Whatever it might be, there's no right or wrong here. We just want you to really dive deep into understanding where your mindset comes from. Were there any money rules in your household growing up? What did you hear the adults in your life say about money? Was money calm in your home or was it chaotic?
Speaker 1:I know we've had so many guests on our show that have talked about that scarcity mindset. You know, coming from nothing and then building what they have now and so wanting to live a life of abundance because they lived in scarcity, and so wanting to live a life of abundance because they lived in scarcity. Even if you have a scarcity mindset, right, there's kind of two different ways you can go about that. Right, it's hey, I grew up with so little. Now I have what I need, but I'm going to hoard it. Now I have a really hard time spending money. I'm really frugal. I cut coupons. I go to six different grocery stores to find the best deal on strawberries. That is a mindset.
Speaker 1:You could also have a scarcity mindset where you're a spender. Hey, you get that paycheck, boom, it's out the door because you don't know when you're going to have money again and you want to make the most of it right now. And so even as simple as something like scarcity mindset and I don't mean to call it simple because it's not, but you can take that in two different directions and so really understanding what that mindset is and where it comes from, that is going to ground you for the rest of the letters in our framework.
Speaker 2:And I would say this is not just simply thinking about negative things that have happened in your upbringing when it comes to money, because, also, what are the good things that you know, you learned at a young age that you've now brought into adulthood? You know, for me, one of the things I've talked about numerous times in the past is that at a young age, my mom did a good job of teaching us how to. You know, she gave us, like you know, some money during Christmas and we then we had allocated to what we want to buy. So, whether you know, I want to buy one shirt that's $50, or I want to buy two shirts that's $25, that definitely is translated into how I interact as an adult, as being very good at determining what to want and what to need, so it's not just simply a negative idea of what interactions with money. You can definitely lean into the good things as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money? Have you been listening to our podcast and wondering how am I really doing with my money? Am I doing the right things with my investments? Am I on track to reach my financial goals? What could I be doing better? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then it's time for you to reach out to Brandon to schedule your free yes, I said free 30-minute introduction conversation to see how his services could help make you the more confident moneymaker we know you could be. What are you waiting for? It's literally free and at the very least, you'll walk away feeling more empowered and confident about your financial future. Link is in our show notes Go, schedule your call today.
Speaker 1:And next, that takes us into reflect. So the R stands for reflect. We want you to take what you just learned about yourself while diving deep into where your money mindset comes from, your thoughts and feelings and emotions around money, where those came from, where those started, how those developed, and we want you to reflect on how is that currently showing up in your life. I will tell you we are probably again in the rarity of the fact that we talk about money not only together all the time, but also with our friends. We very much have a close circle where you know we're like, hey, what's your mortgage, what's your APR, what credit cards did you open? Who's getting the most bonus miles? You know who's going to pick up the tab for dinner because they want to 5x their miles, you know for dining out or you know whatever it is mortgage rates, etc. Bonuses that have been gotten at work.
Speaker 1:I mean, we talk about money all the time, but we understand that that is rare, rare. But we want to understand more about how it shows up in your relationship. Because the reality is is, even though we're talking about money all the time with our circle, people have very different uses for money, feelings around money and, especially when you're in a relationship, people spend money differently. And so this is your time to reflect on how that money mindset is showing up for you today. And the reality is is most people didn't come from the same money background, right? And then that means when you're coming together as a unit and you're combining your money, spending your money together, figuring out how to spend your money together, that can be a challenge because we're coming from one place, somebody else is coming from another place, and now we're supposed to figure out how to do this together.
Speaker 2:I can think of one really good example that during the reflecting stage, justin and I worked through something. So I was fortunate enough growing up that when I went to college, my mom outside the scholarship money that I had, my mom paid for the remaining balance of me to go to college, and same thing for my brother outside of the athletic scholarships that he had, you know. So I was of the mindset that I would like to pay for my kids to go to college, so they're not, you know, stuck with a bunch of student loan debt, whereas Jess had to pay for her education, so she had to pay for it herself, and so at first she kind of had a different mindset, but then, like reflecting on where it came from, obviously she had to pay for her own college. I grew up not having to pay for my own college, and talking through it and how we actually want to do it together when it comes to our kids was very important.
Speaker 1:Right. And also the fact that you never said, hey, well, now this debt is still your debt, so you figure that out. It was like, all right, this is part of our household bill, right? How do we pay for this? How do we allocate this? What can we do to make this better? How long do we want to take to take it off? It very quickly became an us problem, not just a me problem, and again, not saying that that's the right way to do it. That was the right way for us. But again, in this reflect stage, I have since changed my mind on. Well, maybe we take out the loans for our children but then pay them off so that they, you know, have that instant credit boost. Or, you know, maybe there is a way to get around them having to pay for it altogether. You know, we've now opened At this point.
Speaker 2:who knows what college is even going to look like.
Speaker 1:Well, that too, yeah, but you know we've opened the 529 plans for them, so we're planning for it. And so, again, having those deep conversations around well, why do you feel this way about it, versus how I feel, and how do we want this to look in the future for our children? You know that's a very it's a big conversation. There is no right or wrong answer. Again, you get to make the rules, but it is something that has come up for us and in that reflect stage, we want you to. You know, take what you learned and dive to really understand. What do you want that vision to look like? That's a great example, all right.
Speaker 1:Next, we have E for engage, and we've always said that money is a tool. There should not be a monetary number. That is a goal, right? If you were one of Brandon's clients and he said, well, what's the goal? And you said a million dollars, he would say no, not at all, that is not the goal. So, really understanding what your goals are, so you're engaging with each other to understand not only your individual goals because, guess what, you still get to be your own person in a healthy relationship but you also need to dream together, and that's the one thing that has grounded Brandon and I from the very beginning is we've always had really big, audacious dreams You've heard us talk about. You know. The one that we always joke about is Bora Bora, the hut over the water, right Like that's the ultimate dream vacation for us. But this is the time to really dive in and understand what are your goals and what are my goals, and where do we find that commonality? What are our goals together as as a couple?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you said, the big thing is is dreaming without limitations. So this is the point where you get to have a fun conversation where, like you, are really sculpting the type of life that you want to live. You know, like she said, your individual goals as well as the goals that you guys have together, and, from my experience, a lot of couples do not do this. I cannot tell you how many times I've sat down and got to this point of the planning process where we're diving deep into their goals and you have couples who have not had this conversation. It's very obvious on the call and you have, you know, people sharing information, and this is the first time that their spouse is hearing it while I'm also hearing it for the first time as well.
Speaker 1:That shouldn't happen. I mean this is the fun part. I mean talking about all the bills and the this and oh, we need to plan for that, and oh, this car repair and oh, this vet appointment. Those are, oh, that's the money crap that nobody wants to talk about. That's the not fun stuff. This is the time that you get to say, wow, maybe for our 10 year anniversary we should go to Greece for two weeks. Here are the islands we should go to. Here's how we want to get there. Definitely private jet, you know.
Speaker 2:But this is also like. This is also like, you know, planning out your dream career. You know, maybe you're a younger couple and you're just starting out in your careers, but this is like, oh, I want to eventually be a CEO.
Speaker 1:Like this is what this part of the dream about all of it.
Speaker 2:Yes, this is what this part of the framework is for.
Speaker 1:Yes, dreaming about the career, what you want your Tuesday in 30 years to look like. You know, your Tuesday morning at 9am and 10, 20, 30 years, your dream vacations, your dream home what work optional looks like for you when you're looking to achieve that.
Speaker 2:because, as I said before, we don't really use the word retirement here, because we're trying to get work optional as soon as possible, not retire at like 60. Now, if you want to retire 65, cool, that's for you, but we're trying to be work optional as soon as possible.
Speaker 1:Right. So don't say well, I want to retire at 60. Well, what does that look?
Speaker 2:like. What do you?
Speaker 1:want to do during retirement? What kind of life are you going to live? Where are you going to live? What are you going to do? What's going to be filling your day? What's still going to be lighting your fire?
Speaker 1:This is the time to dream in detail, and so we want you to engage with each other to really understand what does the best possible life look like for you, for me and us together? So, as we iterate on this, we're going to be sharing different tools and resources of questions that you can ask yourself and each other during this stage or these stages, activities that you can do together to help you dream big together. Again, we're scratching the surface today, but think about you know what would you? We're scratching the surface today, but think about what would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow and you were completely set? How would you fill your time? What would light your fire? Do you wanna start that nonprofit? Do you wanna move abroad? Do you wanna build the family compound? Whatever that is? Again, there's no right or wrong. This is your dream life, so you get to decide. But we want you to dream in detail, Every detail we want you to really focus in on. Not well, I would buy my dream house. What does that look like? I need details.
Speaker 2:Also this. Also this helps you know as far as when the planning process, as far as getting excited and having that momentum to go through those days where it is tough but you cause. You already know what the goal is and what you're trying to achieve. What's at the end of the tunnel, per se. So, this is what drives you through the bad days, because you're going to have good days, but you're also gonna have bad days and you're going to need to have some form of motivation to get through those bad days.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. It's also what can help you. I think what you're trying to say too, babe, is it's going to ground you right? Because if I said to Brandon today, hey, I'm going to get the contractor back because I want to do that accent wall in the living room, which is something I do want to do, and he does know I want to do that he could easily say, hey, but we're already planning for Christmas 2025. And I thought you wanted to go here and do this, and et cetera, et cetera. We budgeted X amount of dollars. If we do the accent wall, we're going to have to sacrifice somewhere else.
Speaker 1:So what else throughout the year? Do you want to push down the priority list? Right, I would rather take a trip than have an accent wall in my home. I mean, you can look behind us right now If you're watching on YouTube. We've got the wallpapers, we've got the accent walls, the house is perfect the way it is. Are there things we could do? Of course, there's always something to do in homeownership. However, what's more important when we align our goals? What we want for our family, what's important for our children? Travel, making memories and helping them see the world is top three at all times. So are they going to remember the accent wall in the living room when they're 22?, you know, and we have to kind of coerce them to come home from college.
Speaker 2:That would be a hell of an accent wall.
Speaker 1:Or are they going to remember hey, we've taken amazing trips with mom and dad and they are saying we're going to go here this year for Christmas. Absolutely I don't want to miss it. So, again, it really helps ground you back to your goals and your values and what's important to you as a family. Next, we do have to act. So the A stands for act. We can dream big, but if you're not actually taking action and putting processes, systems, steps in place to move forward, it's just going to continue to be a dream, and we want your dreams to become a reality. So goals without a plan are simply dreams and we need to move these dreams forward.
Speaker 1:So this is the phase where you work together to figure out what changes you need to make to your finances to get you closer to that dream life that you described in the engage phase. And again, the more detail the better. So if you closer to that dream life that you described in the engage phase and again, the more detail the better. So if you want to travel more and you're not currently doing that, well, that's going to be something that you need to budget for. You know, if you want to eat at those Michelin star restaurants and you're not currently doing that. Well, how much is that going to cost? How often do you want to do it? Where do you want to do it? How are you going to get there? You're going to set your budget for it.
Speaker 1:You know if you need to get a new car, how are you going to afford it? This is where you get specific about your numbers and you're planning. You're in the planning phase of understanding. What does my year look like? Oh, we got to replace the air conditioning. I know it's about to break. We got to do that before summer because it's 110 degrees in North Carolina. This is the time that you're mapping out and planning what the finances actually look like and how are you going to achieve those goals. So you've got to take that action.
Speaker 2:I would say this is also one of the areas where most people fall behind.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You have to be intentional about what you are doing and you have to have a plan in place, because nothing grand happens just by coincidence, happenstance doesn't happen that way, right, and most people have a hard time with the action part.
Speaker 2:You know, this is the part where I honestly say, for most people, having a professional like myself to help you out, it's, you know, pay for itself 10 times over. Because talking about, you know, doing the first, you know, part of this, doing the D, the R, the E, that's great, all that is great, but it doesn't really mean anything if you don't actually do the actions and put it into place. You're just having conversations and you're not moving the needle towards where you want to be.
Speaker 1:And we talked a lot about in 2024,. You know we understand life is busy, our life is busy and, again, we are not here to say we're doing things perfectly. What we do well is we prioritize, we hold each other accountable and we plan and then act out that plan right. We knew that we needed a new will. We knew that we needed a new trust. We got it done. We knew that we needed, you know, to open up new bank accounts, for whatever reason. We got it done. Whatever it is.
Speaker 1:Are you actually moving forward, or do you just keep saying I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it next month, I'll pencil it in this coming weekend and then it never happens?
Speaker 1:If you know that you need help, that you need a little bit of handholding, that you need an accountability partner to keep you on track, to help you mobilize forward in the positive direction, take the time this year to schedule the call with Brandon or one of the Brandons of the world right to have somebody hold your hand, to hold you accountable, to keep you on track, so that at the end of 2025, you're not still sitting in the same place that you were at the beginning.
Speaker 1:We want to make sure, if you know that you need to reduce some debt, that you have a plan in place that is actually actionable, that makes sense, that is realistic, while also still hopefully investing and still living life right. This is not the podcast where we say you can't go into a restaurant if you have any debt unless you're working there. You know you can go, listen to you Know who. If that's the kind of advice you want, we still want you to live life while paying down debt, while investing, while traveling, while doing the things that you find value in. If you need help with that, reach out to Brandon and see how you guys could work together in 2025 so that you can actually reach your goals and you're not wasting another year.
Speaker 2:So also part of this ACT process is that the one thing that is finite is time. You can't get it back once it's gone. So you need to really think about all the time that maybe you have wasted by not taking action and change that. And it's okay because, like I just said, so many of us have so many things going on in our life and we're so busy and some things just get pushed to the wayside. And from my experience, one of the things that gets pushed to the wayside is the financial planning aspect, when in reality that should be the first thing you do, because that's going to be the driving factor behind a majority of the things that you are able to do in your life, right?
Speaker 2:so stop wasting the time because you're not going to get it back. Let's start from a new today, you know, in the new year, and get something you know, get an action. What I'm trying to say is call me. Call me so that we can get this done for you yes, and that leads us into the m, which is manage.
Speaker 1:This is going to be something that needs to be managed, depending on what stage in life you're in. This could be a weekly basis, a monthly basis, a quarterly basis. You need to manage this. Our lives are constantly changing, right? Did you go from hey, we're newlyweds to now we're newlyweds with a child. Now we have two children. Now we have two children in a house. Now we need a new car. Now we have two children in a house in a new car.
Speaker 1:I mean, life changes constantly. Did you move a parent in? Did you move a parent into memory care? I mean, there are so many things that come up, especially in this elder millennial stage of life, and we've already talked about the sandwich generation at the end of 2024, right, we're in a very busy stage of life where we are raising our littles, but also taking care in a lot of times, our parents and making sure that they're okay and that they have what they need and that they're safe, and so we know that life is busy. We are going to have to continuously manage what this looks like. The goals are changing, the visions are changing, what your dream life is.
Speaker 2:The economic environment is changing.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we know that that's going to be changing all throughout 2025 and beyond, and so this is where you are putting together a schedule. This is a great time to have your money meetings. What are you going to commit to? Are you going to have them on a monthly basis, a weekly basis, a quarterly basis, to help you manage your progress? Are you moving towards those goals? Are you sticking to the plan? Does the plan need to be adjusted? So? Money like, your goals are going to fluctuate.
Speaker 2:I would say also based upon you know the goals that you're trying to achieve, then, as just said, the cadence of how often you're meeting could be could have a variance to it, because certain goals that you might want to achieve are going to require a few more meetings more often. As compared to you know some of the more long-term goals, you don't have to have as many meetings on a regular basis, but the idea is that you are talking with your partner and you're putting a plan in place on how to manage this, because I always say that you need to have a focus on the planning aspect and not just the plan. You do have a plan in place, but it's more important to focus on the planning because, as just said, things are going to change, you're going to need to make adjustments, and that needs to be accounted for sooner than later when it comes to the planning process.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, you have the plan, the noun, and then you have planning, the verb right, where you're actually doing things, putting things in place, allocating money in a certain way, actually looking at your money, right? I think, even just talking to people in our DMs and through the podcast and just people in our network, a lot of times people are still not looking at their money in black and white, and so you know whether you know how much money is coming in, how much money is going out. I mean, that's step one, right? Can you actually do the things that you are setting out to do with the budget that you have? Do you need to cut back? Do you need to increase your income? Do you need to try to do both? I mean all of those things. You have to analyze that information. But even as simple as, are we going to track this on paper? Are we going to use an app? If you're one of Brandon's clients, he will give you access to planning software where you can track your net worth. You can track all your expenses. See it all right there in black and white. See that you're overspending on the iced coffee, right?
Speaker 1:We always like to talk about the iced coffee, so having a plan to manage, not just okay, we're going to meet every Tuesday at seven. What are you going to do Tuesday at seven? How are you going to look at your numbers? Do you have something that you need to bring to the table? Does your partner have something to bring to the table? Are you both going to pull up your laptops? Are you going to utilize a spreadsheet? What is that going to look like? How often are you going to do it? And again, we want this to come from a place of love, of dreaming big, of empathy. We don't want this to be stressful. We don't want this to be something you dread, right. We want this to be something that you look forward to, and even if the numbers are not where you want them to be.
Speaker 2:Because they're probably not going to be Right.
Speaker 1:That's the reality, and even for us, right, our numbers aren't where we want them to be. Our numbers are not where we want them to be, not where we want them to be. There's always room for improvement. There's always room for more. I always want a bigger travel budget, I can tell you that. So even when we look at our numbers, right, we're looking at it from a lens of all right, where are we going to spend our money? Do I need to do this to get here?
Speaker 1:Where can I cut back? You know like, one thing that I did this last year is I was getting my nails done very regularly. It's something I enjoy. I like having my nails done. Is it a necessity? Absolutely not. And so that's one area that I cut back and I said all right, I'm only going to, I'm going to go back to doing my nails for special occasions and a special occasion is typically a trip, right? So, again, it's minor, but it's something that I'm conscious about because, again, it adds up. It gets expensive to do that every two weeks, twice a month or whatever it might be. Where can we cut back so that I have more money to spend on things that are really important to me again, which is travel. I'd rather fly first class on flights that are four hours or more than get my nails done.
Speaker 2:I can tell you that right now on flights that are four hours or more than get my nails done.
Speaker 2:I can tell you that right now, I rather do that too. But also part of this is being proactive in what you're thinking about and what you need to plan for. I think too often people are reactive when it comes to the financial planning aspect. So, hey, let's sit here down and talk and during our management meetings, hey, what is something that's going to be maybe coming up in the next year or two that is going to, obviously, you know, call for us to set aside money for it? All right, we thought about, this is happening in two years. It makes it very easy to plan how much money we need to set aside for said thing as compared to oh, I need this, oh, we don't have enough money, what are we going to do money, what are we going to do? So a lot of it is going to be really thinking about not just, like you know, the short term goals, but the midterm goals, the long term goals and trying to put a plan in place for those as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and remember, as you're going through this and we're going to talk about this in more detail, especially on social media, in our newsletter we're going to be breaking things down, giving you additional tools. We're really excited about this. This because we want you to have great conversations around money together, as a team. And, as you're going through this, remember you are on the same team, right? It doesn't matter if there's one of you as a stay at home parent and the other person's bringing home half a million dollars a year. It doesn't matter. You are one team.
Speaker 1:So you need to figure out what your goals are, individually and in a partnership. Right, what is your shared vision for a beautiful life that you can dream big and be excited about? There is no judgment. This is a judgment free zone, Right, you should be able to have this conversation, say what you need to say openly to your partner without them judging, and your partner should be approaching you with empathy, with love, with support.
Speaker 1:Now, if you don't have that in your partnership, the dream framework is probably not going to fix that and we are not counselors. However, hopefully, as you're listening to this, you are thinking to yourself okay, I know that if I brought this to my partner, they would be supportive. We can come up with our common goals, our shared vision to help us move forward in this process of financial freedom. Whatever it might be right, everybody's goals are different. Again, you make the rules, but this is a judgment-free zone. You should be leading with empathy, leading with love, leading with support and really working in tandem to reach these goals. So you're going to be working as a team to understand each other deeply, engage in those meaningful discussions, understand why is my person the way they are.
Speaker 1:I know exactly why Brandon is the way he is, because I know his mom and he knows exactly who I am because he knows my parents, but also because we've spoken deeply about this. So I'll give an example. This is something that we've talked about pretty often. We didn't go out to eat. Often growing up, it felt like a special treat. When we did, however, it was understood there will be no appetizers, there would be no dessert and everybody's drinking water.
Speaker 1:Now, when you're a preteen, right, all you want to do is drink a soda. We were not a soda household, so if we're going out to eat, I'm like oh, can I get a Sprite or a Shirley Temple? The answer was always going to be no. I know that my dad would usually get, you know, a beer, maybe a cocktail, and if he ordered more than one, he was going to get a face from my mom. And so for me, I, when I currently go out to eat, I enjoy that communal experience. I enjoy fine dining. I love not having to cook my own meal. We don't do it often, but for me, if I go out to eat, I'm getting the appetizer and I'm getting the cocktail. I would rather stay home and make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich than go out to dinner with restriction. It doesn't have to make sense to you. I'm just being transparent. I'm being honest. If I'm going out to dinner, I want to enjoy myself the way I want to enjoy myself.
Speaker 2:And like, for me, I'm not a foodie, like it's just not who I am as a person. However, I am not going to yuck her yum. So when I go out, I enjoy cause I enjoy being out, you know, with people and friends and stuff like that. But we already had this you know conversation where I'm like it's, we're going out, we're planning to go out, we allocated the money for it, go ahead and do it Right, and so we're not nickeling and diming.
Speaker 1:I'm not like, ooh, this Caesar salad is $12.99, but I really want it, but should I get it? No, I don't want that kind of experience when I'm out to dinner.
Speaker 1:In our mind there's no point in going out if that's what the say, that if that is an okay experience for you and your money, rules are, we don't get the appetizer and we drink water. Again, you make the rules. That is totally okay. What we're trying to get across to you is we've had the conversation.
Speaker 1:Brandon knows, if we're going out to eat, we're going out to eat, and if you want the dessert, if I want the cocktail, if we want the appetizer, we're going to get what we want, and nobody's going to look across the table like, oh, we shouldn't do that. We know that when we go out, that the cocktail is going to be $16. We know that we can buy a nice bottle of liquor for X amount of dollars and get 20 drinks out of it versus the one. We understand that. We run the numbers. We talk about all the things. What I don't want is my dining experience ruined. Don't talk to me about the calories. Don't talk to me about the cost. We are here. We are here to enjoy ourselves and if you're coming out to dinner with us, keep those comments to yourself, because we don't want them.
Speaker 2:I also want to go back to the team aspect. I should say that I'm not surprised, but sometimes I'm still very much surprised when I see couples that are competing against each other, and that just never makes any sense to me, because any success that either one of us has on our own is a success for the team. You know, just getting a raise and making more money doesn't negate, you know, anything that I do. It just adds to the pot of us having more money to do the things that we want to do, and it's just very.
Speaker 2:I'm going to speak, and I'm speaking to the fellows out there. Be honest with you, because I still think in today's culture, it's very hard for some men to accept being with a woman who is makes more money or is more successful, when in my mind, I want all the success in the world for Jess, and it just, like I said, makes our life together better. So you fellas out there, like you said, you got to really assess who you are as a person, sometimes as well, when you're choosing who the person you're going to be with. But I think, if you listen to guys that I would consider very successful and guys that I would, like you know, admire in some aspect all the ones that I've, you know, listened to. They've said that their wife, the person that chose to you know spend their life with, has exponentially helped them in so many ways, including their career as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you definitely have to get on the same page. You have to be part of the same team. We are not in competition with our partners and our spouses.
Speaker 1:No, barack without Michelle in competition with our partners and our spouses. No Barack without Michelle, that is not going to be successful for you. So, again, we're going to dive deeper into each aspect, give you different resources, questions that you can ask. We're really excited about this dream framework because we think that by diving deep, reflecting on what you learned about yourself, engaging together in meaningful conversation, acting to move forward, to have that positive forward motion, and managing what that looks like today, tomorrow and in the future, is going to be a really great way for you to connect and build and strengthen your relationship around finances, because finances are emotional and we need to really understand why you are the way you are so that you can move forward, break maybe some of those bad habits, move forward with positive habits, but come from a place of empathy and understanding when you're working together on your financial goals. So we hope that this episode is getting you excited about having conversations with your partner around money.
Speaker 1:Again, if you're not subscribed to our newsletter, make sure that you do that. We'll be sending out information about each letter of dream D-R-E-A-M throughout the year talking about this and, of course, as always, you can engage with us on social media. Instagram's our main platform, but we cannot wait to hear how dream is impacting your lives in a positive way, to have better conversations around money and help you reach your financial goals. Don't forget Benjamin Franklin said an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid. Until next time, sugar Daddy.
Speaker 2:Podcast yo Learn how to make them pockets grow. Financial freedom's where we go Smart investments, money flow.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening to today's episode. We are so glad to have you as part of our Sugar Daddy community. If you learned something today, please remember to subscribe, rate, review and share this episode with your friends, family and extended network. Don't forget to connect with us on social media at TheSugarDaddyPodcast. You can also email us your questions you want us to answer for our Pass the Sugar segments at TheSugarDaddyPodcast at gmailcom or leave us a voicemail through our Instagram.
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