131: Pack Extra Underwear And Get A Postnup

Your spouse just found out they're inheriting money, and now they want a postnup. Do you panic, or do you see it for what it actually is?

In this episode, Jessica and Brandon break down the real purpose of prenups and postnups, share why they got one after almost a decade of marriage, and explain why the stigma around these agreements is costing couples more than they realize. Spoiler: your state already wrote your prenup. You just don't know what it says.

They cover what to actually include in a postnup (inheritance, kids' accounts, mortgages, debt), why you don't divorce the same person you married, and why building these protections while love is high is the smartest financial move a couple can make.

Think of it as love insurance, you hope you never need it, but you'll be grateful it's there.

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Money, relationships, and the mindset to master both. Hosted by financial advisor Brandon and his wife Jessica, The Sugar Daddy Podcast breaks down how to build wealth, unpack old money beliefs, and have real conversations about love and finances. Their mission? To help couples and individuals grow rich in every sense of the word: emotionally, relationally and financially.

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Transcript

The Postnup Question That Stings

Jessica 0:00

How would you feel if your spouse asked you for a post-nup seven years into marriage? Think about that. In today's episode, we are talking about prenups and postnups, why people feel offended when one spouse brings it up, and what it actually means and why it can be protection on both sides. Stay tuned.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Sugar Daddy Podcast, yo. Learn how to make them pockets grow. Fundamental freedoms where we go. Smart investments, money flow.

Jessica 0:32

Welcome everyone to the Sugar Daddy Podcast, where we help you build a clear financial plan so you can feel confident and in control of your money. I'm Jessica and I'm here with my husband, Brandon.

Brandon 0:46

Hello.

Jessica 0:48

OGs, welcome back. Thank you for being with us week over week. And if you're new here, we hope that you will stick around because we have a lot of fun every Wednesday when we release episodes and nerd out about all things money. Today, babe, what are we talking about?

Brandon 1:04

Today, we are talking about instead of pre-nups, we're talking about post-nups.

Jessica 1:09

Dun dun dun. And for anybody new here or anybody who hasn't caught our episodes, we actually got a post-nup. Was it 2024 or 2025? Last year? I don't know. What is time?

Brandon 1:22

I think last year was when we finished it.

Jessica 1:23

When we finished it? Okay. So we have episodes with our dear friend Aaron Thomas, who is our attorney. He also is the founder of prenups.com. He is a wealth of knowledge. And we learned so much from having him on the podcast that we asked him to do our postnup. So we are going to hit 10 years of marriage this year. Happy early anniversary, babe. And uh we decided to do a postnup because after learning so much from Aaron, we decided that it was part of a comprehensive financial plan.

Brandon 1:55

Yeah, we had no intentions of doing a postnup, but we had were lucky enough to be connected with him and did a podcast episode, and he completely changed our thought process about how we view them.

A Real Inheritance Postnup Scenario

Jessica 2:06

Yes, but I think there was still a lot of misconception around prenups and post-nups. And so I came across this um this post. So I'm gonna read it and then we're gonna talk about it. Okay. Okay. So it says, I've been married for seven years with my partner for 10. Her father has died, and she is expected to inherit a substantial amount of money, not sure how much, as he has lots of stocks and shares that he kept quiet about. She now wants a post-nuptial agreement. So if we ever get divorced, I won't take any of it. She doesn't understand why I feel how I feel, but it doesn't make me feel good. So there wasn't really a question here of like, why should I, you know, what should I be feeling or how should I handle this? So we're just gonna fill in our blanks here. Um, and I think the misconception is still with prenups and postnups, you are planning for a divorce.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah.

Jessica 3:01

And I think that's kind of the sentiment that I get when I read this post is well, if we're not together, I don't want you to have any of my money. So that's what I'm planning for.

Brandon 3:11

I it's it's so hard for me to wrap. I guess now it's hard for me to wrap my mind around when people are like, if you want to put these things, these things in place, that you're planning for the marriage to not to fail. Because there's so much planning that we do in other aspects of our life, but we're not looking at, oh, this is gonna end up terrible. It's just like, just in case.

Jessica 3:34

And you know what? I heard I saw this actually this morning, which is funny. Um and I I've never heard this analogy before, but I thought it was really amazing. And this woman, as she's actually the founder of Fleur, um, I don't remember her name right now, but she was talking about uh prenups and post-nups, and she said that she equates it to wearing a seatbelt. Like, I'm gonna get in the car with you, and I think that you're a safe driver, but I'm still gonna put my seatbelt on just in case.

Brandon 4:02

I was gonna even go even more even more like a weird tangent. What I was like, when you go on vacation, I think most of us pack more underwear than we need.

Jessica 4:10

Yeah. What is it about vacation underwear?

Brandon 4:13

So, like, but like I don't have any plans on shitting myself during the day where like I need some extra underwear, but just in case.

Jessica 4:20

Okay.

Brandon 4:21

So that's the remind my own.

Jessica 4:23

There is so much content on the internet, on social media, about how much underwear women pack when we go on vacation.

Brandon 4:30

I pack more than I need as a guy.

Jessica 4:32

But it's like, when was the last time you changed your underwear in the middle of the day?

Brandon 4:36

Just because, like you don't do that.

Jessica 4:38

Like unless you're on vacation and you're like, oh, I've been walking for 10 hours. Like, I need, you know. But I just think it's hilarious because, like, why are we always overpacking underwear? I mean, I feel like women, it's a bare minimum, two pairs per day. Some women are doing three and four pairs a day.

Brandon 4:53

So I think about all the things that we have a backup plan for that we're not planning on happening. Right. But when it's something so important, people are so adverse to actually having a plan.

How We Handled Inheritance And Windfalls

Jessica 5:03

Right. Well, and I think if you go into it with the mindset of this is not going to work out, so I'm gonna protect myself, that's when the other person then can say, Well, why are you planning for the worst? Everything was fine, and now you're planning for the worst. And what I thought was interesting when I read this is that you and I had a very different conversation about inheritance because your inheritance will be significantly larger than anything that I get from my parents. And I wasn't offended by the fact that we wanted, we actually put a clause in our post snup about inheritance, which is your inheritance goes into your account, your private account, any inheritance that I get or any windfall really will go into my account. And then we added a clause that if we put a large amount of money, so a large amount for us is$5,000 or more, into our joint account, we actually need to have a letter that is notarized to make it community assets.

Brandon 6:08

So for example, like if, you know, in the future the inheritance comes and I decide, hey, it doesn't even have to be inheritance, it could be a bonus check or a commission check or something. And I'm like, hey, I wanted to I want this to be our money now. The process has to be done to, you know, basically show from a um um legal standpoint. Yes, legal standpoint, but then also just a trail of what we're doing.

Divorce Reality And Planning With Love

Jessica 6:33

So that it's your money, quote unquote, and putting it into our joint account, it is now community property. And the reason we did this, and I think we all have experiences and stories, um but we're both products of divorce, and I vividly remember that my mom got an inheritance when her father passed away that she used towards the down payment of the home that I grew up in. Well, when my parents got divorced, and for 10 years after, I'm still hearing about this money that was used to put down on the home that was her money. And I was like, I don't want, I don't want to do that. Like, I don't live in the past like that. And I did not want that to be the case, right? If it's like, hey, we have this windfall, or at one point in our relationship, I was in sales. So I was making, you know, commission like large commission checks at times. If I put that into our joint account and then we took this amazing vacation and we'd get a divorce, I don't want to be the person that's like, well, back in 2005, I spent 2005, I was still in college, whatever, you know, X amount of money on this vacation. And then like our kids are never gonna hear the end of it. No, like once it's community property, I don't want to, I don't want to talk to you about it anymore. Present or divorced. And so there are protections that you can put into place to make sure that those kinds of conversations don't have to happen. And I don't think Brandon loves me any less, knowing that he is going to get a larger inheritance that I'm going to get. And I don't think that Brandon is fearful of me trying to quote unquote take his inheritance because he knows I'm going to get less of an inheritance. But regardless of those feelings, we now have protections in place that really make those feelings null and void because it's now his and it's now mine. And if we want to put it together, we have a process for that.

Brandon 8:29

So I think really what it is. So, like from the uh the man's standpoint and um what you just read, I think it's shifting your mindset to be honest with you. Because she says, because like the way that she's she's phrasing and the purpose of the postnup is if we do separate, which is what it's for in the event that we separate, focus on you guys aren't separating. So you could still benefit from the inheritance together at that point in time while you're still together. This is only if we don't work out, yeah.

Jessica 8:59

So like it's the worst case scenario, it's the insurance for the worst case scenario.

Brandon 9:04

And the thing is, is that it's I mean, like in the United States, statistically, you know, almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. So it's not this uncommon thing. It's not like, oh, I don't know anybody that's never ever gotten divorced. Like, no, my mom's been divorced four times and my dad and my dad twice.

Jessica 9:22

So it's very, you know, for me, it's we have seven divorces between our parents. Because it's actually really sad, but okay, seven. That's a lot.

Brandon 9:35

But the idea is that like I've seen what can happen when you don't have things in place, and I don't think anyone goes into marriage with the idea of getting divorced. Like, that's then you wouldn't you wouldn't get married in that scenario. But the reality is that life happens, people grow apart, people do things that sometimes you don't expect them to do. Like, so putting these protections in place while you guys are still loving each other, still in a good place, that is when it makes sense rather than waiting until something bad happens and then seeing one, if you can't even put anything in place, but then also in that standpoint, you are not probably liking that person as much as you did before.

Future Wealth And The 401k Problem

Jessica 10:12

Yeah, Aaron on our episode said, why not create your own rules while love and respect are high? Like when you're clearly thinking about what's important to you, right? The other thing that he pointed out that I thought was so insightful is that we are, as millennials, as elder millennials, right? We are in our prime earning years. So when we got together, we a prenup was not even on our radar because it was, I mean, we owned homes. It should have been, right? We owned homes, we had careers, et cetera.

Brandon 10:44

But like it just wasn't people feel it's just to be wealthy.

Jessica 10:47

Right. Like you're, oh, you're not an NBA player or you're not a celebrity or you're not Taylor Swift. So why would I get a prenup? But like that's not at all what it's about. And so while you're growing, right? Like think about your 401k right now. What's gonna be in your 401k in 15 or 20 years? Like, I mean, Fidelity already reported that they are at an all-time high of 401k millionaires. You have clients that have over a million dollars in their 401k. So think about somebody saying, okay, now you have to split that.

Brandon 11:21

Yeah, prenups and post-ups aren't just for where you're at today. It's where you could be 20 years in the future. Like, you know, say you're 30 years old and you're getting married now. It may not be for right now, but say, like, you know, 20 years in the future, now you're 50. Yeah. And now the marriage isn't working, you want to separate, you now have accumulated some things over that 20-year period that maybe you want to protect.

Jessica 11:41

And we have enough friends who've gone through divorce, and the the recurring sentiment is you do not divorce the same person you married.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

No.

Jessica 11:49

And so if you're thinking, oh, this person would never do that, or this person would never come after this, or this you don't know who that person is gonna be.

Mortgages And Debts You Must Clarify

Brandon 11:58

Who they become because who they become. Because let's be honest, none of us are our best when we're upset and you know, dealing strictly in emotion. Now, imagine like it's like for me, like, you know, one of the worst things that could happen is us getting divorced. And so I'm not probably gonna be in my, you know, most logical. Even though I'm a very logical person, yeah, yeah. I don't think that's where it's gonna be coming from at that moment.

Jessica 12:22

Right. So I'm grateful that we had, you know, the for us it wasn't, but the quote unquote hard conversation with Aaron. You know, he was he was essentially our mediator, and we got to have the really tough tough conversations, you know. And I mean, Aaron did say that a lot of times things come out that people didn't share, right? Whether it's maybe debts, maybe it's accounts that have large amounts of money in them that the other spouse didn't know about. Like we didn't have any secrets to begin with, but it also gives you the opportunity, for example, and we have episodes on this, so go back into the archives and listen to it. But for example, our mortgage is in my name. Brandon is on the deed. If we were to dissolve our marriage because of our post snup, this is now an asset and a liability for both of us. So technically, without the post snup, because Brandon's not on the mortgage, he could walk away and be like, girl, that's your problem. And now I'm stuck with a huge mortgage that we went into together. And at the time it made financial sense for only one of us to be on the mortgage and all the things. But in the event of a divorce, this needs to be a liability and an asset for both of us. And so those are the kinds of things that you can detail, right? My student loans. Oh, what were you gonna say?

Brandon 13:42

I was gonna say, like, kind of like bringing it back to the original pose, like I don't even know if he from the way that he wrote it makes me think that he's not even sure if he knows how he should feel about it. Right. So I feel like he's thinking he's confused. I think I feel like he's thinking about it in the standard terms of a prenup, the way that most people think about a prenup is that you're planning to fail.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Yes.

Brandon 14:02

So he's like according to that. Like, why, like, if she's planning to fail, like is she gonna like has she been like feeling like she wants to leave or whatever? Like, so I think maybe she's And this is like the catalyst. He's spiraling maybe a little bit in that aspect rather than just having a genuine conversation with his um spouse to kind of get more clarity on the situation.

Jessica 14:22

Well, and speaking of clarity, the big part of this was that was missing was they don't know what the amount is, and it doesn't even sound like the wife knows.

Brandon 14:31

So because a like a a big amount is it could vary from people to people. Yeah, like for example, like if we were to inherit dollars, that is not a life-changing amount of money. No, but like not for us, not for us, not for us, it's not it's not life-changing. We're like, oh, will I take it 100%? Can I put it to good use? But am I going to stop working tomorrow? Are we gonna like buy a brand new house? No, none of that. Our life is still gonna continue the same as compared to like, oh, we inherited$10 million tomorrow. Yeah, our life would look very different.

Jessica 15:05

I almost feel like they're in a really good spot not knowing, because this is stuff that they could be uncovering in the postnup process, right? Which is what are our assets, what are our debts, what is ours, what is yours, what is mine, and then put rules and parameters around that. I think that's the most important part of all of this is really understanding. For example, my student loans you currently pay. But in the event that we get a divorce, that is now my liability solely and is not Brandon's. But because we're happily married, it's just actually one of those debts that you kind of just took on.

Brandon 15:46

Yeah, because I mean, like the the pot's the pot.

Protecting Kids Accounts With Shared Access

Jessica 15:48

The pot is the pot. Yes. So that just happens to be the one thing that like that you pay that's actually mine, but in the event that we are not married anymore, obviously, like that's not his student loan, it's mine. So now that kind of comes back over to me as my liability. Um, and so I just think that those things are really important to talk about. The other thing that came up is ownership of our children's accounts, which I thought was really interesting. Yeah.

Brandon 16:19

And that I could break that down a little bit more too, because um, so for a lot of the accounts that are for minors, you really only have one owner on them. So for example, like um with a 529 plan, there's really only you have one primary, you have one person that's the owner. Now you can have a um uh you know a secondary owner in the event of something happening to the primary. But with the 529 plan, since obviously I do what I do and I was the one that set them up, they're in my name.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

Right.

Brandon 16:45

But under our postnup, they are both under our both of our control.

Jessica 16:49

Right. Because, and we talked about how do people do this? And Aaron again explained that, you know, you think that you married somebody honest, you think that they're gonna operate a certain way, but if you don't have access and you don't see what's actually happening, you really don't know. And he's actually worked with people who, you know, mismanaged their children's accounts, or one partner thought that, you know, contributions were still continuing, et cetera, et cetera. And then all of a sudden that money was gone and was used to buy a new car or down payment on a house or liquidated for whatever reason. And I don't play those games. So I, you know, I was like, nope, we both pay into these accounts. They can have a primary owner, but access will have to remain for both of us so that we both have visibility into what's happening with these accounts that are meant for our children at all times. Now, again, in my head, Brandon would never do anything to harm our children, to take money from our children or anybody or any family member, et cetera. But again, people do crazy things. And even though I love him and trust him, if we were to dissolve our marriage, I need access invisibility.

Brandon 18:02

I mean, and the thing is too, is that there's all there's a variety of reasons why people could end up getting divorced, you know?

Jessica 18:07

Yeah.

Brandon 18:08

One, I I mean, this is probably a minority scenario, but like say, say if I had an injury and then I got it, I got addicted to painkillers. And then like I've never had an addictive personality, never, you know, been addicted to drugs or alcohol or anything like that. But then now I that happened.

Jessica 18:23

That went like dark.

Brandon 18:24

I'm just saying, like, dude.

Jessica 18:24

I mean, it happens.

Brandon 18:25

There are these things that happen where then like now you the person's not the same person you that they were before. Now you want to get divorced from them, and now maybe you cannot trust them with that type of money. Yeah. In regards to doing the things that they did before as a person that you formally knew them. So it's really about just putting in protections while everything is good.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Yeah.

Brandon 18:44

Just like anything else in life. Like, once again, I might be gone for a week, but maybe I pack two and a half weeks worth of underwear, even though you know I'm I can control my bowels.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

Yes.

Brandon 19:00

I mean, in case I do shit myself, I got plenty of underwear.

Love Insurance And Writing Your Rules

Jessica 19:03

You have plenty of underwear, yes. I mean, that's really what it is. And we've called it love insurance. Uh, we actually even were featured in an article uh in the knot where we called it love insurance. And that's what it is. It's again, it's an insurance policy that you hope you never have to use. But in the event that you do, you will be happy that it is in place and that it's something that you can fall back on, knowing that you both came together as a team. You created your own rules. Because again, remember, your state, if you're married, already wrote your prenup.

Brandon 19:35

That's the big part there.

Jessica 19:36

Rules are in place.

Brandon 19:37

So even if you are like, oh, I don't want to get a prenup because um it it's planning to fail, you already have one. You have one, already have one.

Jessica 19:47

Let's be honest. Let's be real real here. Nobody knows what that thing says. Yeah, you don't know what the state. But you have one. So you might as well write your own rules, either before you get married or after. We, again, prenups weren't on our radar, so we did it after. We're so happy that we did. It's signed, sealed, delivered. We don't think about it unless we're recording episodes for it because again, we are not planning on getting a divorce and we are happily married, but we need to start changing the conversation and the stigma around it. And just know that it is protection for both of you. It is not one-sided. If you're doing it right and you're working with the right kind of attorney, like Aaron, I'm sure there's plenty of other wonderful divorce attorneys. If you are doing it the right way and you're doing it as a partnership, you will feel better having these protections in place for things that are important to you. I promise you, you will. So um, I guess this ended up being an episode on why you should get a prenup or a postnup. So we are absolutely pro prenup and postnup. But if you have any questions, reach out as always. We have multiple episodes on the prenup and postnup process. Um, you can get a feel for working with Aaron through our episode with him. And then we also detailed exactly what's in our postnup because you know, everybody's a voyeur. We all like to know what's going on behind the curtain. So we actually pulled the curtain back and gave you exactly what's in our post snup. That is not legal advice. You need to talk to an attorney. Um, but we wanted you to know what was important to us just to give you some ideas of, you know, what you could potentially put into your own postnup if you're already married. So hopefully this was helpful. If you want to start the conversation uh with your spouse, maybe send them this episode and go from there. But we highly recommend it and hope that you'll get one. We'll talk to you next week. Don't forget, Benjamin Franklin said an investment in knowledge pays the best interest. You just got paid. Until next time.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Sugar Teddy Podcast, yo. Learn how to make the pockets grow. Finance of freedoms where we grow. Smart investments, money free.

Jessica 22:00

Thanks for listening to today's episode. We are so glad to have you as part of our Sugar Daddy community. If you learned something today, please remember to subscribe, rate, review, and share this episode with your friends, family, and extended network. Don't forget to connect with us on social media at the Sugar Daddy Podcast. You can also email us your questions you want us to answer for our past the sugar segments at thesugardaddypodcast at gmail.com or leave us a voicemail through our Instagram.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Our content is intended to be used and must be used for informational purposes only. It is very important to do your own analysis before making any investment based upon your own personal circumstances. You should take independent financial advice from a licensed professional in connection with or independently research and verify any information you find in our podcast and wish to rely upon, whether for the purpose of making an investment decision or otherwise.